I love this time of year so much. I think about what I'm thankful for and today it's my husband. He is such a kind and generous man and I am so proud of him. For several years now he has tried to quit smoking and each year passed with no results. Well, 4 days ago he decided he wanted to change that. He has been smoke free for almost 5 days. I'm so thankful as I know so is our family.

Our past experience we both would tend to get a little grouchy with each other and when it would come to that point he would just stop and say this isn't worth it. Well, I decided that I wanted it to be worth it, so I've been trying very hard to be positive and encouraging to him.

He told me the other day that he was so much happier and that it makes is so much easier to want to quit because I'm supporting him. That makes me happy and I know that it makes him happy.

I love him and can't wait to see what our future will hold, now that we will have a longer one together.

Faith

Oh that I could have the faith of my children. I often read the blogs that my girls share and wonder, why can't I write like that. I love the strength and the faithfulness that they often share. I love to read how much of a blessing their families are to them. I also am amazed at how they are able to share their joys and struggles with others and how people pray for them on a daily basis.

I have wonderful beautiful children and three of them are married to wonderful, beautiful people. We pray for the best for our children and I believe that God truly blessed my husband and I with very special ones. They would do anything for us. They give to the point that they can give no more and still, if they have it they give it. They love hard and with the fullest extent that God could possibly give them.

They soak up every joy in life and share them with others. They make me smile each moment I think about them. I have loved them, prayed for them, wept with them and held them. THANK YOU LORD, for these amazing children.

Our youngest son Joshua became ill a couple of weeks ago. Everyday he was called from his siblings who checked on how he was doing. It was the first time he had ever been in a hospital. I remember when they were all younger, how they each had a special place in our lives and in each others. They have each other's backs and they are the best of friends. Not many families have a special place like ours. Being a "Pollock" means something to them. We've worked hard to get where we are and they don't let anything stand between them. Listening to them and how concerned they were for their little brother, brought tears to my eyes. I could feel the love they have for him and for each other. What an amazing beautiful thing.

Proverbs 18:4 says, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is one who sticks closer than a brother." In our case, my children are fortunate to not only be brothers and sisters but friends. What treasures we have in our children and their friendships.

Me: "Do you remember when you were little how I always told you I love you? I love you bigger than all the stars in the sky." Josh: "Yep, I love you more than all the grains of sand in the ocean."

Wow What A Summer

I realized tonight that I haven't posted anything about my summer and here school is about to begin. Isn't it funny how as we get older life zooms by us and then we look back and think, where did the time go? I spent a wonderful summer spending lots of time with my family, especially spoiling some precious grandbabies. We enjoyed weekends of play time and swimming in the back yard. What special memories.

Once again it's that time of year for new beginnings. We have many new memories to make this school year and I'm so excited. I love the first day of school, seeing my new students and learning what each one is like the first week. They are always so eager to find out what their teacher is like and whether or not they will like him/her.

Being a teacher is a special thing, I am so privileged to have these children in my lives. We spend so much time molding them and shaping them into who they will become. It's so amazing to see their strengths and talents and their discoveries of learning to do things they didn't know they could do. What a special place to be, at the beginning of middle school, where decisions they make will be what shapes their futures and who they will become someday. I pray that the influence I will bring to them, will not only be the knowledge of study, but also an example of who I am in christ. May they see the faith I have shine through me, even if it has to be silent at times.

Summer Vacations

I remember summer vacations growing up as being the most rewarding experiences of my life. For two weeks out of the summer, my family along with my grandparents, would spend time on vacation. My brother and I would argue about who was going to ride with grandpa and grandma and who had to ride with mom and dad. We eventually would have to take turns, which was fine because we didn't have to ride with each other.

My favorite vacation with my family would be going to South Carolina and visiting the Magnolia Garden's and the beautiful mansions in the south. It was an unforgettable time.

My favorite vacation since this time, would be going to Hawaii with my husband. It was an amazing experience and one that I would do again in a heart beat. I'm so thankful that we were able to have this special experience together and that we made many memories that will be forever cherished.

Thanks grandpa, for beginning the traditions of vacations! We will definitely enjoy the ride, however will miss the moments that we could have spent them with you!!

Testing Our Faith

Do you ever have times in your life that you feel the Lord constantly testing you and your faith? I believe that God can do anything. Sometimes life gets rough and we know that the Lord can see us through, yet we hold back a little, just not quite sure what the outcome will be. It is sometimes hard to trust completely and give all of it to the Lord.

For my husband and I, it seems that financially we are constantly being tested. He chose to take a job where he could be at home with his family more, which is exactly where we believe God wants him. Because of this our financial situation has changed tremendously. We are having to squeeze our budget so to speak, at a time in our lives where we would like to be able to do more things and have a little more. Every time we feel that we are ahead, we end up one step behind again. We are possibly going to have to get a new car, which I would love to do, but financially it just really isn't a good time. We ended up paying a large sum of taxes and had to extend our car loan. I really do believe that God will take care of us, just is a little difficult waiting to see the outcome.

He knows the plans he has for us, plans to give us hope and a future.

Another Year Ended

Another year has ended for me and the summer has come once again. As I finish taking down the things in my classroom, I look around and feel emptiness. The walls are bare and the bulletin boards are nonexistent. I realize that I can compare this empty classroom to life at times. We can be filled with good memories, special gifts, wonderful friends, and many other blessings in life, yet miss it all because of the emptiness inside.

My husband and I have had quite a year. We have known our share of joys and triumphs over the past few years. Last summer was the beginning of one trial after another. Our son Michael got married over the summer (which was a joy not a trial) and while we were there preparing for his wedding a terrible hail storm went through our town. We had to leave immediately and board up the broken windows and clean up the mess our house had become.

A few weeks later grandpa was put in the hospital and finally went home to heaven in July. We spent the rest of the time helping grandma put her life in order. A couple of months later, my husband lost his job. He moved to Western Kansas only to find out that he wanted more time with his family so he moved back. He began a job at the COOP, which decreased our monthly income and put us on a very tight budget. A few months later we received a letter in the mail, that due to the expenses the insurance had to pay in the hailstorm, they were cancelling our house insurance.

This is just bits and pieces of our past year. All the while, my husband went into a severe depression, which by the way is getting much better due to a wonderful doctor and a prescription drug he takes everyday. We then found out that we owe $10,000 in last years taxes. As if that wasn't enough our car has decided that it doesn't like us anymore. WOW! Sounds even worse when I write it down. All in all this has been our year. I had had enough. I finally melted a few days ago and let God know exactly what I thought. Immediately after my husband says, aren't you going to do a devotion? I looked at him and in dismay shut the light off and said, "are you kidding me, didn't you just hear what I said?" I laid in bed a few more minutes and then that painful tug hit me, I turned the light back on, got out the devotion book, read how much my God loves me and how much he cares.

The next day I read an email from a special friend of mine. Her cousin's husband, who was 48 years old, had passed away unexpectedly. He left behind his wife and 4 children; 20yrs, 17, 12, and 10. Through prayer and blessing people gathered and not only paid for his funeral expenses but also completely paid off her house. Once again, WOW- What a God we Serve!

God allowed me the opportunity to tell him how I really felt. He just listened, loved and let me vent. He has given us strength to weather the storms of life, but he never lets go of our hand. I'm so thankful that when he's frustrated with my choices and actions that he never gives up on me!

Being a Mom

I've come to realize that being a mom isn't only one of the greatest treasures in the world, it's also the most frustrating and difficult task a woman can go through. On a daily basis we love our children, each one for their uniqueness and individuality. However, there are those moments (usually in teenage years) that we ask ourselves; what planet were we on when we thought we could handle all of this.

My husband and I are into our last years of teenage life. We are so thankful and yet saddened that it's coming to a close in 3 years. Although it has been a joy and my greatest memories are with my children, today I'm looking forward to the peace. I have found that girls seem to be much more difficult to raise than boys. Everyone kept telling me that, but (like I had a choice) I just didn't listen. Today, I would have to agree. Here's the difference between raising boys and girls -

Girls -

They have emotions (more than once a month - try 24/7)

They love whole heartedly and trust completely

One minute they like you, the next they are telling their friends they can't stand you

They hate with the same passion they love with

They nurture, have compassion, and grace

They bite, pull hair, and don't fight fair

They tattle because it's the right thing to do

They lie and tend to get away with it because we trust them

They bat the eyes, toss the smile, and we cave

They stomp and beg until finally you give in.

Their fighting is vicious, hurtful, painful and could last an eternity

They are forgiving

They are beautiful

They need tenderness, compassion, encouragement

They need understanding, flexibility, a listening ear

They need comfort, hugs, kisses, unconditional love

They need guidance, protection, and trust

They are our daughters, granddaughters, wives, moms, nieces, sisters and friends

Boys

They are fun-loving, handsome

They are ornery, stubborn, impatient

They are your best bud

Their fighting is short term

They are quick tempered, but tend to get over things easier

They are forgetful

They laugh, tell jokes, and tease

They insult each other and call it humor

They are your protectors, guardians, heroes

They are your story tellers

They are bad aimers and seat lifters

They are your sons, grandsons, husbands, dads, nephews and friends.

Slowly Fade Away

Tonight's lesson at TREK was about slowly fading into sin. We often find ourselves slowly fading into sin, it's not something that we do on purpose but we let our guard down and it happens. Satan is like that, he attacks and slowly sneaks in taking our innocence a little at a time. He doesn't just come in and take it all, it's one step at a time. God takes us and meets us where we are at. We have an almighty Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, that picks us up and rescues us from all harm. He meets us where we are and when we are guarded with his armor on a daily basis, he fights off satan for us. How wonderful it is to know that the Lord will protect us from the one who chooses to destroy us. Praise the Lord for your new mercies each day!

Life in General

Today is tax day, oh what joy! The bible tells us to render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's. I'm going to try and do better about giving to God what is God's, but I really don't like having to give Caesar what is Caesar's. I don't know why I always have such a hard time giving to God. It's not that I don't want too, it's just there are so many things to take care of and when I finally think about it, it's to late and there isn't enough left to give. I feel like I give by giving my time to the youth and all the ways that we help out others. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the amount of money we never have.

I've tried to be really positive about it for my husband's sake, but like him there are days where I just feel enough is enough and we need a break. However, I also know that there is no one like our God and that he will never give us more than we can handle. I want to have the faith that when I give that money, it's out of my willingness to surrender my all to God. I have to ask myself, have I really done that? Have I laid down all my hopes, fears, anxieties, joys, sadness, possibilities and placed them in the Lord's hand and said you take them and do what you will? I don't think I have done that lately. I believe that there are times you have to do that everyday under different circumstances.

I want today to be that day for me. Lord here is everything I have and I give it to you. What a joy it is to have the ability to praise God and know that no matter what, he will take care of us.

My Children

I've been thinking about my children a lot today and how each one is so unique and special. They are all so completely different in personalities, yet they have similar qualities they share with each other. Each one has something special to offer the world and it has been so exciting watching them grow.

Jamie is our oldest daughter. For me, she has been more of a friend since we are close to the same age. Out of all of our children she struggles the most. She has led a hard life and because of difficult choices she has made or tragedies in her life, things have not been easy for her. She tries very hard and has great intentions, though at times they are not always seen for what they are. Jamie is a very talented artist. I hope that someday she will be able to share her creativity outside of her family. She also has the ability to care for others, which is an amazing gift. It doesn't matter what the age, Jamie can do it. She has the personality of a lion and the heart of a lamb.

Melissa Dawn is married to Scott Soodsma and they have adopted a daughter, Martaysha. They are truly a beautiful family, growing in God's grace everyday. We have watched Scott and Melissa and seen them grow through many trials including; Scott's cancer, miscarriages, depression among others. They have a tremendous strength to them and have walked many dark shadows in the beginnings of their marriage. Yet, holding onto the Lord's hand through each one they have not only grown to love each other more, but grown to love the Lord and allowed him to take complete control of their lives. It's hard to watch your children go through those trials, you constantly want to rescue them and save them from the pain and heartache, similar to that of what God wanted to do when Jesus hung on the cross. Instead, we step aside and let God do the building in their lives. Melissa offers such a joy that lights up a room when she is around. She's the one I can instantly tell when she needs to talk or share something that's going on in her life. She has a special way of letting you know you are needed and wanted. Many people focus on her music, but she has so many gifts and talents that she has to share with others. She is a special daughter and a beautiful person. She and her family are such a blessing to others and have so many ways that they can be a testimony to others.

Michael is married to Destinee Harrison Pollock and they are expecting their first child. Together they have grown into an amazing couple. Their marriage is fresh and new and I'm looking forward to what their future holds together. Michael and I are probably the two that are most alike in personalities. We would butt heads a lot while Michael was growing up. He wanted to spread his wings and fly the nest before I was ready to let him go. He is our hard worker, like his father, he completes a task that is set before him. He is a man of character and will be a terrific father. Michael has been one that I relied on heavily when I lived back West. There has always been a comfort knowing he would take care of me, make sure the younger kids and I were safe and taken care of. I love when he asks me for my opinion about the littlest things. He has always had a way of making me feel important and needed in his life. I watch him with his wife and how he makes her feel like the most important person in his life now. He treats her with such love and compassion, making sure she is provided for and cared for. I can't wait until the day arrives that he is a dad.

Matthew is married to Tanna Kirk Pollock, they have two beautiful children; Jaelyn Lerae and Finlee Alison Grace Pollock. Tanna is a true and genuine Pollock. We have had the privilege of having Tanna in our lives since she and Matt were in high school together. She's become a special part of our family. It's hard to talk about them separately because they come as a pair. Everything they do is together, they are a true example of what it means to become one. Matthew and I share so many common interests. One of my favorite things about him growing up, was being his cheerleader. I loved watching Matt play sports. I think I loved it because he loved it. He always does everything with his whole heart. He hates disappointing people, which has given him determination to be successful. He is committed to his family, God, and is a faithful friend. I love making new memories with them and with their children. It is so wonderful being a part of their lives and watching their children grow. I missed out on Mel, Michael, and Matt's beginnings and being able to watch their children gives me back a part of that.

Michaela, my little missionary. I've said so many things about her, but I can't say enough. I remember while she was growing up, she was always praying for everyone and making them feel better. She has this special way of making cloudy skies look beautiful. I want so badly to keep her tucked away with me forever, but I give her over to God and ask him to take care of her and keep her safe. She is my independent child. She has the personality of a golden retriever, sensitive feelings, compassion for others, and unconditional love. She has a true heart of forgiveness and such a gentleness about her. She is going to be an amazing missionary. Those who know her heart will truly be blessed.

Joshua is our youngest. It's hard to believe he is 6ft, the tallest of all our children. He reminds me of a tower of strength with a teddy bear heart. It's amazing how much of his siblings he has wrapped up inside of him. He has so much of his brother's in him; hunting and fishing, sports, sense of humor. He's the one in the family that can laugh about anything. He loves deeply and he laughs whole heartedly. He is our gift giver, never leaving anyone out. Growing up, if Josh got money for his birthday or Christmas, he always had to make sure he bought something for others with it. We would tell him, that was given to you to buy something for yourself. It didn't matter, he would make sure the other siblings got something too. He has always seen things as black and white. There is no riding the fence with Josh. Fair is the word that comes to mind. If he feels it's unfair, he will let you know. I'm excited to see what Joshua will decide to do with his life.

Loren and I are truly blessed to have the children we do and the spouses they have chosen to marry. We couldn't ask for a more perfect family. They were each handpicked by God to be a part of our lives and for that we are truly thankful.

K-State Basketball- A Team United

I find it rather odd that I stayed up until midnight watching a college basketball game. I was actually amazed at the excitement of the moment. Watching this team, which I have followed since moving to Eastern Kansas, was awesome. They worked hard for every minute and played together as a team.

Playing together as a team, was something the sports casters kept saying all night long. "Look at how unselfish these guys are." That to me was a pretty profound statement. Being unselfish is something our society lately knows little about. I find that the, "it's all about me attitude," is very prevalent here in our country. Everybody wants a piece of the action and to be the top dog. It doesn't seem to matter anymore what you ladder you climb or how you get there, as long as you are there.

Society seems to have taken the fun and joy out of, "we're all in this together." I watch our politics, our children, our school's sports teams, television, people in WalMart. It doesn't seem to matter where you go, it's there. The guy who wants the victory, all the glory, the first in line, the biggest and the best. What happened to the communities that work together to get things accomplished? To the sports teams that rely heavily on each other for the win, not just the big guy on the court? To the leaders of our country that made every person important, not just the individuals that they choose to be important?

I'm not usually a negative person and I'm really not trying to be now, I just would like to see our country do what those boys did on the court last night. It wasn't just one person who made the win, it took the whole team. They each played with heart and desire, and they come from this beautiful state we call Kansas. Many places don't think we amount to much down here, but I find this small town life knows more about "togetherness" than any other. Thank you boys, for making us proud and for being a team. You showed character in diversity and what happened was working together you came out on top! Congrats Cats!

Back to School

Well, spring break is over and I had a wonderful time. However, I am very glad to be back home again. There is still that laundry to do and dishes that need done. The chores are never ending, but I love being home. I enjoy sleeping in my own bed and waking up the next morning with something to do. My something to do is teach.

I love being in the classroom with my students. Even when they say they don't want to be here, I want to be here with them. The thought of being able to impact their lives at this age is so amazing. They have the abilities to achieve any dream they want to, all they have to do is strive harder to achieve it.

I want to always give them my very best and hope that someday, they can look back and say, Mrs. P. was a good teacher and I learned more from her life than just being in the classroom. I want to live by example and share that with more than just my students. Live life to the fullest, do what you love to do, and dream big.

By the way, Michaela made it back from Nicaragua and she had a wonderful time. She knows that God has something planned for her life and that whatever she does, it will be amazing!

My Parent's House

I am finally getting to spend some long overdue quality time with my parents this week. Yeah for spring break. I love coming home to the smell of fresh baked cinnamon rolls and home sweet home. I know that I don't get to spend much time here with my parents but I am enjoying every minute of it. I miss my husband and the first night away was a very difficult sleep night, but I know he understands that I need this time.
I loved how excited my dad was to see me. He is such a special person in my life. I loved growing up with my dad. He always has a way of making me feel like I am the most important person in the world to him when I am around. Tonight I made him his special bierocks for supper. He couldn't wait to eat them.
I also enjoy spending time with my mom. She and I could talk for hours about absolutely nothing, but the time we spend together is enjoyable and fun. We don't always get that one on one quality time that we want, so that makes this week extra special. She to always makes me feel special and important when I am home. It is definitely different being the only one here, but I am enjoying every minute.

Birthday Party

Birthday Parties are such a special occasion in our family. I love them. When I was a little girl we use to have family birthday parties for each person. Their favorite cake would be made along with homemade ice cream. Most of my family chose german chocolate cake, which later became a favorite of mine too.

Tonight we had such a special night with Matt and Tanna celebrating their birthdays. We didn't get to have the whole family, but we did have some. What a blessing to be able to celebrate life with such special people.

Spring Break

Spring break is almost here. I am so looking forward to a week of rest and relaxation. I love my family and my job, but I need some rest. I haven't spent a lot of time with my own family this year and I am really needing too. I miss my parents, it's not that I have to see them all the time, but I just miss them. I'm looking forward to visiting, playing games, and just being there.

I haven't been home, truly home since my grandpa died and I just need to go. This was a difficult decision for me, because I truly love being with my family here. I love spending time with my husband and children. My husband is my best friend and I love my life with him. I love my children and following their events, social lives, and everything about them. Sometimes, when we take a break for ourselves, refresh, and recharge our batteries, we have more energy, focus, and strength to continue with life's everyday joys and challenges.

So I'm going to spend Spring Break recharging!!!!!

My Beautiful Michaela

Today I had all kinds of thoughts and feelings running through my mind. I have this wonderful daughter that is a sophomore in high school this year. She's one of six children that I have and each one is special in their own way. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with Michaela. I was so nervous and scared about being a parent. I had that feeling of not being ready. I had so many things I wanted to do before I became a parent and I was so unsure of myself. Then the Dr.'s appts began and my heart fell in love with her the first time I saw her. Everyone, including the Dr. thought she was a boy. Deep down in my heart, I wanted a girl. I was afraid if I didn't have my girl first, I would never get one. There is something very special about a daughter. The day she was born was amazing. The Dr. told us she was perfect, she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I loved her from that moment.

Children have this unique way of becoming your whole life the instant they become yours. God gave me this precious gift to take care of and I was so scared about being responsible for this special gift.

She will be 16 years old in June and just today left for her first mission trip. This trip is a big trip for our daughter. She will decide if this is what she wants to do with her life. I'm excited and overwhelmed all at the same time. I love that she wants to dedicate her life to God's service and to taking care of his children. I am very proud of her. I am also very selfish. I'm learning that like Mary the Mother of Jesus, I have to let her go and allow her to be who God created her to be. This is very difficult, because I know that I only have a few years left before her wings will fly and she will leave her home.

As a mother I would love to keep her here and shelter her and protect her from all of life's aches and pains. Like any mother I would love to spend the rest of my life taking care of her, but I know she must go. It is so hard to take the responsibility of becoming their protectors, life-givers, comforters, and shelters only to come to the end and allow them the freedom to choose.

At the same time, I am comforted in the fact that Michaela knows who she belongs to and knows who is her guide and her true life-giver. I am so thankful that I know she will seek the will of her father and his refuge in her time of trouble. I am thankful that she will stand for what is important and become the woman that God intended her to be.

Thank you Father in Heaven for giving me such a precious gift. Guide her steps and continue to be the light in her life. Bless her relationships and friendships in her life and give her the joy she desires in her heart. I love you!!!!

MY BEGINNINGS

I decided that I needed something to write down all my memories, opinions, thoughts and feelings. What better way to do it than to blog. I'm not sure who will follow me but I am in the mood to share my happiness with others!